God’s desires > my dreams

Lately I have been in a vicious cycle in my mind of warfare, self-criticism, perfectionism, which morphs into complete apathy and giving up trying at anything.

I am sick and tired of constantly fighting a battle that’s already been won.

I am done chasing standards and “dreams” that have no root in truth or the gospel or anything I stand for or truly care about.

Be gentle with yourself

In my daily quiet (devotional) time, I’m currently going through the 21-day devotional, Rhythms & Grace (find it here), by All Good Things Collective (formerly Amen Paper Company).
It’s been the sweetest couple of weeks as I’ve slowly worked my way through the first 6 devotionals (I did say slowly, haha). Each day there’s a page or two to read, a Scripture, and then two questions:
1. What did I learn about God and His character?
2. How am I compelled by grace to respond?

Yesterday’s entry talked about the “Rhythm of Gentleness”, and Jesus really met with me and spoke to me during that time. My answer to “How am I compelled by grace to respond” was twofold:

Emerson’s Birth Story

Emerson,

I have never sat down to write the story of your birth until now, but at the close of your first birthday, I think I’m finally ready. I’m snuggled in a blanket on our blue dotted couch (it’s unseasonably cool for June), alone with just the comforting rumble of the dryer in the kitchen. You, Elsa, and your dad have all been asleep for awhile, and I’ve been scrolling through photos of you on my phone, trying to decide how to caption an Instagram photo of you that I’ve been dying to post all day. I finally decided that an Instagram caption couldn’t do justice to what I wanted to say, so here I am.