Be gentle with yourself

In my daily quiet (devotional) time, I’m currently going through the 21-day devotional, Rhythms & Grace (find it here), by All Good Things Collective (formerly Amen Paper Company).
It’s been the sweetest couple of weeks as I’ve slowly worked my way through the first 6 devotionals (I did say slowly, haha). Each day there’s a page or two to read, a Scripture, and then two questions:
1. What did I learn about God and His character?
2. How am I compelled by grace to respond?

Yesterday’s entry talked about the “Rhythm of Gentleness”, and Jesus really met with me and spoke to me during that time. My answer to “How am I compelled by grace to respond” was twofold:

#1: To seek Jesus’ yoke daily. To “surrender the taskmaster”. Let go of the daily grind in search of His gentle & gracious and more abundant path.
To allow Him to speak His gentle mantra over me & be gentle with myself so I can in turn pour His same gentleness over my husband, child and others.
I want our home and my life to be filled with love and kind words instead of sharp harshness and irritation.
I know — I am confident — that Jesus will give me the grace to be that change.

#2: To share Jesus words to me, in the form of this blog post. I don’t normally post this type of thing, and certainly not anything as personal as my own journal entries. I’ve wrestled over posting this all day yesterday and all day today, but here I am. “Compelled by grace”, literally. The following is my answer to the first question: “What did I learn about God and His character” (as it relates to gentleness as described in Matthew 11:29 — linked for you here and typed out at the end of this post).
This is just the honest pouring out of my heart and my time with the Lord, so please have grace for me. My only hope is that this speaks to someone else, too.

He does not want or need me to earn my keep or prove I’m enough to Him.
The voice in my head that says,
“Because your house is messy, you’re a failure as a mom.
“Because your husband had to eat out for lunch today since you had nothing at home to pack for him, you’re failing as a wife.
“Because you need Starbucks to get you through the day, you’re failing as a person (addiction) AND a steward (waste of money).
“Because there are dishes in the sink and a ring around the tub, you’re failing as a tenant.
“Because you don’t read your Bible enough or miss a day of your devotional or forget to go to your Bible study group or don’t serve in Children’s Ministry at church anymore, you’re failing as a Christian.
“You’re worthless, you’re lazy, you’re high maintenance, you’re selfish, you complain too much, you’re rude and unkind and hard on people…”

That voice is the antithesis to Jesus. That voice is the enemy, and I don’t have to listen. 

Jesus says:
“You are enough.
You are beautiful.
You have an identity in Me that no one can take away.
You just walk in obedience to Me and keep asking for more of My Spirit to fill you up and you will be fine.
I have given you all the tools you need to be My version of successful — which is not about your to-do list or your house or whether you were “productive” or packed your husband a Paleo-Pinterest-perfect, four-course lunch at 4:30 AM before he left for work or whether you’re low-key addicted to caffeine or not.
It’s a lot more to do with:
Did you love your family today?
Did you meet your daughter’s needs with nurture and grace?
Did you kiss your husband and listen when he speaks and give him preference over yourself — did you try to make your home a place of rest for him?

Did you talk to Me today?
Did you humbly ask My forgiveness when you fell short?
Did you quietly ask for My strength when you were tired or weak or irritable?
Did you sit at My feet in worship of Me and all the abundant blessings I’ve poured over your life?

And if not: it’s okay.

My mercies are new every morning, but also at any second.
You can come to Me at any time and I will gladly hit the reset button for you, judgment-free.
My faithfulness is great. I am the most loyal and impartial listener you can imagine and I give the best advice.

I love you and I see you. I see better than anyone how hard you try, how much you do and how thankless this kind of work can be. I see you and I know and I love you.

You are enough and you are doing great.”

His voice is gentle, free of condemnation or judgment or shaming. There is no guilt or condemnation in Jesus.
Jesus is love and light and gentleness and humility.
And I am so glad that I serve a God like that, and not like me.

“Take My yoke upon you,
and learn from Me,
for I am gentle and lowly in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.”
Matthew 11:29 ESV

– Caitie